One afternoon last week, I convinced a friend to accompany me to a restaurant in Brooklyn to learn how to play Hong Kong-style mahjong. I’d always been intrigued by mahjong’s colorful bakelite tiles, the satisfying clacking sound they make as they’re shuffled. My mother plays the American version twice a week with the same groups of friends, a clubby ritual that makes me a little jealous: Why don’t I have a regular game of something going?
We were a group of 15 or so students, all new to the game. To begin, we played a dummy round with all the tiles turned over so that everyone could see their values and the teacher could walk us through each step of gameplay: Here’s how you set up the table, building a wall of tiles. Roll the dice to see which player gets to break the wall. These are the suit tiles, these are the honor tiles, the dragons, the winds.
Mahjong’s not a cinch to learn. Our teacher was excellent, repeating each step of the rules several times, asking us to repeat them back to him. There were whiffs of card games I knew, but I found the intricacies confusing: Wait, you need three identical tiles to form a pung? How did that guy just win the game when I was still working out how the flower tiles operate?
And then: Why am I learning to play this game when I already know many other games and I do not ever play them? This was the thought that snagged me, that made me want to politely claim an emergency and walk out mid-lesson: Why am I doing this? Ostensibly, I’m a curious person, one who’s drawn to new experiences, who wants to expand her horizons, to multiply opportunities for fun. Mahjong offers all of these things! But learning a new game is something I haven’t done in ages. It’s something kids (and their parents) do readily, but eventually, most of us stop. The machinery for learning new things becomes creaky. It’s not easy or comfortable to get that old mainframe up and running again. So many things in life are not easy or comfortable already! Why opt in to another one? And do I even have room in my brain, on my calendar, for another thing that I do?
The friend I’d brought with me to mahjong surprised me a few days later, when I had assumed we’d both decided that our lesson was diverting enough, but neither of us had the energy or appetite or brain plasticity to ever play again. “I got us a mahjong set,” she announced. “Now we just need two other people and we can play.” I thought back to our lesson, how I’d wanted to leave because I wasn’t mastering mahjong fast enough. Being bad at something feels bad. Being new is often unpleasant and embarrassing. Of course we default to doing things we’re good at. We like to be confident and comfortable and look cool.
But here was an invitation to community. An invitation to be bad at something with other people, with the goal of getting to the other side: a new hobby, a new ritual, maybe, eventually, that clubbiness I’d envied in my mom’s games.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how I think of this time of year as one of unclenching, of letting go of that coiled, withholding winter self and opening up to spring, which officially arrived this past Thursday in the Northern Hemisphere. The unclenching, I am now thinking, can sometimes be challenging. Deliberately moving from a familiar place to an unfamiliar one isn’t without its discomforts. I was reading recently about how, when a chick is ready to hatch, it develops an egg tooth, a sharp little structure on its beak that it uses to peck its way out of the egg. How incredible! How do we grow our own egg teeth, generate our own tools to crack our own shells, escape our too-tight enclosures and emerge into the light?
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CULTURE CALENDAR
📺 “Mid-Century Modern” (Friday) What if “The Golden Girls” were … boys? That’s the shtick behind this something-old, something-new situation comedy from David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, the creators of “Will and Grace.” Filmed before a live audience for Hulu, the show focuses its cameras on three men (played by Nathan Lane, Matt Bomer and Nathan Lee Graham) who take early retirement together in Palm Springs. Droll, zingy and sometimes melancholic (there are at least two funerals this season), it’s both a throwback to sitcoms past and a contemporary look at gay men in midlife.
Creamy Asparagus Pasta
With spring officially springing, vegetable-filled pastas are the move. Krysten Chambrot, an assistant editor on the Food desk, has assembled 24 easy spring pastas for you here; this creamy asparagus pasta gives the season’s favorite stalk an umami boost with roasted seaweed and kombu. A little sesame oil glosses the rigatoni at the end for a dish that’s full of bite in no time at all.
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ADVICE FROM WIRECUTTER
How to find the perfect pair of running shoes
It takes some trial and error to find the right pair of running shoes. Wirecutter’s experts recommend starting by considering what you want most from your shoes. If it’s distance, pay attention to cushioning. If it’s speed, focus on the weight and responsiveness. As for fit, it’s a good idea to be flexible about sizing: Every brand’s sizes are a little different. Use your normal running-shoe size as a starting point, but don’t be shy about sizing up (or, more rarely, down). To help inspire your search, we have recommendations for some of our favorite women’s and men’s running shoes — including a pair stylish enough to wear every day. — Seth Berkman
N.C.A.A. tournament: It’s the best weekend of the year for college basketball fans, with games on from noon till night in both the women’s and men’s tournaments. Here are three to watch today from the men’s bracket:
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St. John’s vs. Arkansas: Rick Pitino and John Calipari — two championship-winning coaches — both took on program-rebuilding jobs with these teams in the last two years. Apparently, the rebuilds didn’t take long.
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Gonzaga vs. Houston: Most experts thought Gonzaga was underrated as a No. 8 seed, and a blowout win in the first round only made that seem more true. Now, though, the Zags must face the relentless defense that earned Houston a No. 1 Seed.
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Drake vs. Texas Tech: No. 11 seed Drake plays at the nation’s slowest tempo and generates a ton of turnovers. But if they hope to continue their Cinderella run, their offense will probably have to play better than it did in the first round.
